he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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