im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
