the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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