I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
