Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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