I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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