I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you didnt know i had herpes?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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