Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
