I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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