I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
