I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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