Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Randomize
