Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Houston, we have a blender
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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