I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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