when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
