i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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