Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
