Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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