Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
