He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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