like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
