I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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