it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize