It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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