I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
