then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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