ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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