Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
