You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
