Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MIDGETS
????
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
