That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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