I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize