The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
