And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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