sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize