why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize