btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
