i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize