doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
