he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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