my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
