yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
