sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
