Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
