Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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