yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
