I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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