I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
