Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
