why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
