I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize