well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
