How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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