I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
