living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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