Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
