if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
