all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
