i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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