NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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