Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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