My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
