Soap is not a condiment
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Randomize
