I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
