is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
